charlie mae words....

Thank you Curbside Splendor....

2011-03-15T17:07:00.001-07:00

http://curbsidesplendor.com/index.php?id=150

1948......

2011-01-01T09:29:00.000-08:00

the year of the Revival....coming soon...

a wolf...

2010-10-13T18:39:00.000-07:00

her eyes only hold beauty
so you are following
the scent is lavender
honey behind her ears
when you whisper you forget your words
her spell is binding
her mouth a opening of sunshine
warm
oshun leading chango into the woods
darling
she wrote the chant....
she doesn't speak much
the move of her arms
hold the glory
that you want to praise

she only smiles leading....

Rescue...

2010-09-07T18:57:00.000-07:00

Charlie stares out of her window, staring at the people on the street, walking, bustling, movement. In her mind, her heart is on fire. She pictures smoke pouring out of her ears, nose, eyes. silence. She is sitting in the window, for the past two days, she has sat in this window, just staring, waiting for James to walk down the street. She has not called his phone, not that she is able to, she destroyed it a day earlier, ripping it from the wall, and tossing it out to the street, when it failed to ring. She walked to the payphone in her robe, and high heels, in a hoarse voice, to call into work, lying about a bug, she cant shake. which is the truth. Her hands are shaking, its been three days since a drink, dizziness has occurred at this window, running to the bathroom to vomit, resuming her place at the window, straining to stare down the street just in case she missed him. In her gut, she knows he never will return, time is a punisher, her own misogynist. cigarette after cigarette, through smoke, she sees her one and only girlfriend Francis, almost stomping down the street, cigarette in her hand, stomping straight towards her door. Francis stops in front of her building, puts her cigarette out on the building. Her eyes shoot up to Charlie in the window, unable to move, Charlie feels the tears on her face, she can only smile. Francis stares back, their language has always been like this, no words, emotions transmit. Charlie gets up to answer the door, she hears Francis heavy footsteps coming up the stairs. Opening the door, Francis says hello in her deep voice, and hugs her roughly, the only way she knows how to. Softness is not a trait of Francis, in the ten years she has know her. Francis, light complexion, fire red hair, big boned woman, all six feet of her, stares at Charlie, walks through her door, goes into her purse, pulling a bottle of jack daniels out of her huge purse. "ugh ugh Fran, no liquor, i haven't eaten in a couple of days. Francis opens the jack, drinking from the bottle, exhales, walks to the door, "well I'm going to get some food, i will be back", slams door. She returns a while later, with a grocery bag, she rolls the sleeves up to her green blouse, walks over to the sink, stacking all the dirty cups of coffee. With her back turned, "we need some music", "i don't want to hear anything". Francis sucks her teeth, and puts a record on. Charlie actually smirks, Francis never listens. Charlie eats the smothered pork chops slowly, enjoying each bite. The food is delicious, the pork chop cooked to perfection, with gravy, onions, and rice. Charlie cleans her plate, even using her finger to wipe up the gravy. "Hmph", Francis says out loud, leaning against the stove, whiskey in hand, a small sweat on her forehead. Francis looks at Charlie's massive tangled hair, the thin robe hanging off of her, She notices how pale her complexion is, this isn't the penny colored, cat eyed woman she met ten years ago, cursing at the bartender and flirting with another man at the same time. When Charlie first looked at Francis with those light colored eyes, full of something old, Francis had never been speechless, until that night. Francis saw her reflection in Charlie, a smaller, darker version, she saw something familiar. Francis, a geechee girl, walking in thunder, the swamps runs through her veins, her voice holds the earth. She knew of her magic from her grandmother, that reminded her each day of her ancestors, those that her grandmother prayed to at the huge altar in the backroom. Francis met Charlie, Charlie was a cousin, sister, she never had, that carried the same torch. On this day, Charlie is sick, and Francis has to conjure that magic out, it is time for a healing. She reaches over to Charlie placing her hand over her small chest...."breathe".

a love letter to James...

2010-06-10T22:44:00.000-07:00

i wrote this in the morning
darling
the morning

when sunshine poured through my windows....
and
i thought about my layers.
..darling...
my layers
my depth
and how i have shown you my good
bad
whiskey nights
fighting
you
a pearl in my eye for you
i know
yes...
im drinking again
cause
i cant cleanse you out of this house
your scent is in the walls
smelling you that night
brought tears
i reached for my knife....
then i thought of your arms
and
my breath became quick
i held the silver tight
and
i cried for you
i sang for you
all in my kitchen
humming to sleep
when will you come back to me
so i can rest....

Love, Charlie Mae

a dedication....

2010-05-27T21:23:00.000-07:00

baby girl
that loneliness will eat you up
your nights
become blended into one
your mouth is smiling
inside
confusion is your twin
you nod at each other
in reflection
kiss
the nightingale serenades your
whiskey filled dreams
and her song is on repeat
toasting to something someone invisible
waiting
turning to only see
a shadow of
salutes
the army of forgiveness
has
issued a retreat
holding your own hands
your sancturay
whisper spells
wondering where is your magic...
to conjure

in the evening....

2010-02-15T20:23:00.000-08:00

After the fiasco at the bar, Charlie stumbles to the train. On the subway, she finds herself staring out the window blankly, the interaction of james, looping in her head over and over again. her high has faded, the anger she is feeling is precedent over any type of potion. she does not feel the cold air, her skin is hot, and the scream in her chest, is constantly coming closer and closer to bursting out of her mouth. she breathes deeply, shutting her eyes tightly every time she pictures him sitting there, with the young girl in the funeral dress. * another breathe* she did not acknowledge Charlie's presence, only fanning the smoke away that Charlie blew over her like a dragon. She never turned around, Charlie wanted to stare into her eyes, and if she could set her on fire with her own blaze , she would have . arriving home, her movements are violent, snatching the flowers pinned to the side of her head off, she lays in bed, not wanting to take off her clothes. She cries in her pillow, her sobs are loud, and wild. she rolls over on her stomach, and stares at the telephone. peeling herself off the bed, she dials his number slowly, wiping tears between every couple of numbers. her heart racing, after eight rings, she slams the phone down. her hands are shaking as she puts the needle on the record, Bessie Smith voice comes out as a purr, she lights a cigarette......."give it to me paaapaaaa".....

Ruby's Blues....

2009-12-09T20:53:00.000-08:00

"im a passionate woman!", Ruby throws her glass to the foor, Myron stares at her, "Now Ruby, dont start breaking shit up, we know you passionate gotdamnit, but stop breaking glasses!!!" Ruby sucks her teeth, weaving side to side, she pushes up her huge cleavage,nods her head in agreement, profusely sweating, holding a damp cigarette in between her fingers. She shifts her wig,and yells out loud, "OOOOOOOOO WEEEEEEEEEEEEE", open mouth, loud laughter.

Ruby was a attractive woman in her day, you could tell, the makeup running, underneath there was once coffee colored skin , clear brown eyes. her once tight body is loose, stomach sticking out in a too tight red dress. "a man myron....a man myron, did this to me...i love too hard....", she laughs loudly, and then begans to sob, and begins to laugh again. The other patrons are not sure if they should be silent or laugh, because she is switching emotions so quickly. Charlie sits in the corner looking at her future, if she doesnt stay away from jack daniels, and James. She lights a cigarette, blows smoke towards the ceiling, she touches her flowers to make sure they havent began to wilt. Ruby is now grinding to the song playing loudly on the jukebox, she is moving her hips, whistles come from the table next to Charlie, two old men reeking of gin, "they dont know about that ruby!" charlie smells Ruby's mixture of perfume and booze before she reaches her table. looking up, Ruby is staring her in the face, mascara running, "you a pretty bitch, ummm hmmmmm, what that man do to you?", points at her face, lets out a loud laugh, continues to the table of the old rascals. Charlie waves her finger at Myron, now it is time to drink. She sips each drink slowly, eyes closed, falling into each song, that seems to be her personal playlist. After her seventh drink, Charlie is beginning to sweat in her dress, she fans herself with a napkin, and lights up another cigarette. The door opens, and Charlie looks over at her shoulder to see James and a woman walking in, holding hands. Charlie turns around quickly, sips the rest of her drink, tries to compose herself, patting her damp curls, putting out her cigarette, applying lipstick. She hears James voice, and a knot in her throat forms. She has not heard or seen James in three months, he stopped leaving notes under her door, the phone stopped ringing. Myron, behind the bar, whispers "shit" to himself, as he turns around preparing james and his dates drinks. Charlie and James have tore up his place before fighting, and that was when they were together. a night that started with the couple kissing lovingly at the bar, ended with broken glass, a blade being drawn, and his customers running out the door. Charlie gathers her coat, and purse, weaving a bit, walks up to the bar, she stands right next to james and his new lady, a younger girl, mid twenties, light brown with freckles sprinkled across her nose, a neat ponytail, she is wearing what looks like a funeral dress, high collared, black, with huge buttons down the back, Myron sets a vodka tonic in front of her, (charlie sucks her teeth at this) whiskey for james. Charlie is staring at her so fiercely, she doesnt realize myron calling her in front of her face. "Whats going on Charlie", myron looking nervously from Charlie to James, "Could i pay my tab?" Charlie smiles her chesire smile, lights a cigarette, the girl begans to fan the smoke away, James is staring straight ahead. Charlie pulls out a twenty, slams it on the bar, she makes a effort to blow smoke in the girls face. Charlie pauses waiting for a reaction, she is biting her lip, eyes full of red, waiting to act wild, her blood is boiling, the girl only waves the smoke, and sips her drink slowly....

new work

2009-11-29T14:35:00.000-08:00

coming soon.....brief hiatus....working now.......

the wooden boy...

2009-07-10T11:20:00.000-07:00

charlie use to smile
until summer
the marionette
came into her life
he dazzled her with words,
made wonders out of places
in her that she didn't know existed
sang her melodies of lies
his strings popped in
a rhythm
that began a trance
she found herself dancing to this beat
morning time
she shook her hips, open mouth laughing
he fed her fantasies
those wood arms expanding in her face
her eyes followed
she began plucking on her heart strings
carefully checking them at the end of each month
mid July arrived
and
indigo revealed
a dragons face
replaced kindness
she checked inside
and the strings were mangled
all her smiles
vanished
her blood boiled
her anger contorted her body
and she was mute....
the marionette danced away
his head a little titled
cause he knew damage had been done

quiet evening...

2009-05-21T17:59:00.000-07:00

The supervisor pulls Charlie in his office, tells her that her attitude is not pleasant, the whole time looking at her thighs. His huge belly, bifocal glasses, and snake like leathery skin makes Charlie's skin crawl. Charlie shifts in her seat, lights a cigarette, and looks at Mr. Bentley. After being told she was being warned, she gets up, thanks the snake for his time. She straigtens her skirt, switches out of the office. Slips her timecard in, waves goodnight, cigarette hanging from lip. the evening air welcomes her, waiting for the bus, she slides her hands under her purse to hid the shaking. Laying her head on the bus window, she closes her eyes, and the only sound she hears is her own heart beating. Arriving home, James has left several notes under her door. her eyes go over his sloppy handwriting, "call me", "love you", i love you, call me, love you, love you so much", she tosses them in the trash with the other notes. She hasnt spoke or seen james in a month, precisely dodging anytime for him to see her, she hasnt been to her favorite club, changed liqour stores, taken a different route, enters her building through the back, which his drunk ass doesnt even know exist. she sleeps heavily through his midnight maurading, 4am knocking on doors, phonecall after phonecall, steps over him in the morning on her way to work. Her work has been affected, and since she left Missippii she doesnt have any family, or anyone to contact, so this little money has too last. Chain smoking, she drinks a cup of coffee, listening to Gospel, she taps her heel against the small table, her home is immaculate, she has cleaned, and cleaned, and cleaned, and still James is everywhere, his eyes are in every glass, his scent is in every pillow, his voice is singing background in every song. she rubs her scalp, and listens to her heartbeat, a glass of water, another cigarette, maybe a bath....

the first tango..

2009-03-06T19:42:00.000-08:00

the first time he choked her, she looked at him with so much hurt in here eyes, that the flames in her pupils turned to smoke, she held her neck, he began to apologize, yet blaming her the whole time, she lunged at him, digging her nails into any place her hands landed, james screamed, and tried to grab her hands, but she switched locations, cussing him the whole time, james stopped to feel his face, and the blood, charlie already was going for her purse, where he knew her blade was, he ran towards the door, and she dropped her purse, and picked up a glass flinging it at him, as the door slammed. she screamed out loud, and slumped down to the floor. she held her face in her hands, thinking all his sweetness left out the door with him, anything that was pure was just damaged, the prophecy became true, she saw it, covering her face, this man was her demise....every reading she gave herself, with james running through her hair, it was a storm, stroking her back, she smiled. closing her eyes. taking white baths, making james join her, james thinking it was sexy, charlie trying to cleanse them both. he smiled at her, sipping a pint, smoking a cigarette, humming to muddy, charlie put her feet on his shoulders, she loved how he adjusted to her, no complaining, her heart beat red, and she started to cry. 'yeah baby this song makes me sad", she wiped her tears and leaned back. their lovemaking was a hurricane in its own, just breathing, constant movements, pushing everything out of each other, quiet peaking, stars shooting, they were too pistols fully loaded, blasting each other over and over again.

James couldn't believe he put his hands on her, he cried outside, the tears stinging the scratches on his face. she would never understand or forgive him, he also knew she was about to stab him if he didn't leave. he loved her fire, but he knew he had taken it too far. they had argued before, she cussed him so bad, he was speechless. but usually they made up in minutes, her brown eyes forgave him. he sat on the bus stop staring blankly. people walked by staring, he knew he was bleeding from his face. she didn't understand, he felt disrespected, she was too flirtatious. she is already beautiful, but the spell behind her eyes was showing, and james wanted that spell to himself, so when he saw her dancing with that man, his hand at the small of her back, shit she was enjoying herself...but i had to fuck it up...he thought. he had to tell her she danced like a whore. he pulled out his handkerchief and dabbed his face. he looked up at her window, and he knew she was crying now. he wiped his face and strolled down the street.

darling...

2009-02-17T18:37:00.000-08:00

your emptiness
fills me up...
till i am drunk
slipping in and out of conciousness
remembering
the touch
i sit alone
water back
cup running over
our secret
i wrote the spell
and
you cry witch
i reply with moist lips
valley of maroon
dont fear me
just
love me love me
james...
i will never leave you...

ponytails

2009-01-18T18:10:00.000-08:00

told me i had bedroom eyes
i retreat behind my mother even further
'stop being such a fraddy cat charlie'
she walks away
hot breath in my face
mouth smelling like poison
'looking just like yo mama'
she was already in the room
in her own junkyard
i cant stop staring at the closed door
too big hands touch me
i dont cry
i dont move
the only sound i could hear was my heartbeat fading
and
feel
hate blossoming
at the closed door...

Delta days...

brush....

2009-01-06T18:30:00.000-08:00

In the mirror, she pulls up the straps to her black camisole, runs her fingers across the mirror, takes each bobby pin out, letting her black curls fall, she applies her trademark maroon lipstick, eyes lined in black, takes a sip, slides on the green silk dress she wore the night she met james, pins a pink rose to the left side of her head.... tsk........

the streetlights light a path down to the subway...each step Charlie thinks she is walking straight...but she feels her weight shift from side to side...giggling out loud...she grips her pocketbook tight, in it, a bottle shifts ...smelling like lavender and a hint of jack daniels....she sits on the subway bench...legs crossed, back straight, she lights a cigarette, blowing smoke, she wraps her fox a little tighter around her, she rotates her neck, trying to roll james off of her neck. he is not only in her neck, he shoots down her spine, tingles at her fingertips. uncrossing her legs, crossing them again, men walk by, staring, she smokes straight ahead. The lounge is noisy, music blaring from the jukebox, many many conversations, she finds a seat at the end of the bar. the bartender, a tall yellow woman with freckles,newsboy cap pulled low, dressed in a man's shirt, suspenders, and slacks...leans on the bar," what will you be having darling?"......charlie looks straight past her...a jack straight up, water back (pause) darling...she lights a cigarette, redbone sits her drank on the bar, in a tall glass, without looking at her "how much do i owe you", "for eye contact its on me"....charlie looks up and sucks her teeth..."how much do i owe you? ...."actually the gentleman at the bar, says its on him......

invisible clock...

2008-12-13T00:47:00.000-08:00

darling my deepness
is smothering
where you might find yourself drowning
but i am always present holding a glass

the loneliness....

2008-12-08T20:53:00.001-08:00

humming over a drank, charlie presses the cool glass against her forehead.....nodding to the words..."when i saw you and that girl"....blindness....beyond heartache.....each drink, brings the feeling back full throttle....she says a prayer out loud....longing for freedom....egh.....she hugs herserlf....and sings a note..."baby, i rather be blind".....tears streaming...she just wants her james. any kind of way, reeking of some womans perfume, obnoxiously drunk, she wants that scent, those eyes, to fill her up...the record is on repeat.....she has decided to listen to this song all night till she passes out....another prayer..."jesus help me", her neck wet from sobbing....help me she whispers.....BLACKOUT

dark water and the color red.....

2008-10-11T15:23:00.001-07:00

James stands outside the door breathing heavily, charlie mae continues to break glasses inside, he hears her house shoes shuffle across the floor.

Charlie mae is searching for her favorite mug, she throws every other glass on the floor. she steps on glass, a Ouch doesn't come out , instead she screams james. with bloody foot, she stumbles to the bathroom, her tears pour down her face, sitting on the top of the toilet, she trys to patch up her foot, but her hands are shaking so bad, she throws the gauze. Her mind is spinning, along with the room, she gets up off the toilet, and vomits violently, slumps down on the floor, the cold tile becomes her pillow for the evening. she dreams of her dead aunt Rose, looking beautiful in all her splendor, not the alcoholic schizophrenic, blank eyed woman that told her that her eyes were full of the devil. Rose is sitting on a swamp bank, with green leaves, and dark water around her, Young and regal, her long limbs hang off the bank she is sitting on.. she is dragging her fingers through the swamp water, humming the only song that Rose in her right mind played for her as a child. on the swamp bank, Rose flicks water at her, and ask,,,,do you remember the story i told you? do you remember i told you about fire? charlie mae nods..
A little kingdom I possess, where thoughts and feelings dwell; And very hard the task I find of governing it well. (Louisa May Alcott)

Charlie mae stares at her in awe, remembering how at eleven years old, she trembled in her skin, when Aunt Rose stood before her, six feet of fear, the same wildness that charlie mae holds in her eyes, Rose asked her "anyone ever tell you about fire charlie....hmph....she lit a cigarette...the johnson women, we got fire in us, yeah fire...charlie stared in her eyes, looking at the dark circles....Rose blew smoke..."hmph looking just like ya mama", then she began to tell her about heartbreak....

AWAKE

the tile is cool, but charlie maes body is hot, she reeks of alcohol, her mouth is dry, and there is blood all over the floor. sigh. she gets up slowly , to walk into her living room and see broken glass in the kitchen, all over the floor, empty bottles, her door open. sigh. she searches for her broom, no she should drink some water, oh no she has to throw up again. tip toeing over the glass into the bathroom, she vomits again, holds her mouth under the faucet. finds her mahalia jackson record, and begins to sweep, her ritual begins in the kitchen, in the living room, in the bathroom, mops the entire house. collects all of james things, shirts, his favorite glass, a sock here, toothbrush, a photograph they took together, all these things are placed in a neat pile in the corner. She pours florida water into her hands, starts form her head to the tip of her feet, in a sweeping motion over her arms, her stomach, her legs to the bottom of her feet, trying to rid herself of anything negative. in the bathtub, she soaks, crying along to mahalia jackson...........

back to james....

2008-09-19T10:16:00.000-07:00

coming soon....

pouvez-vous rappeler...

2008-09-03T15:41:00.000-07:00

"i wish i was young again....

Charlie Mae was raised in a pentecostal church.
There was speaking in tongues, tarrying for hours, revivals. She would go to choir rehearsals, bible study, morning service, afternoon service, evening service. She was obiedient, she sat by her grandmother in the same pew for 16 years, her expression never changed, people never knew if she was happy or sad. Her Amens had perfect timing, her alto could be heard strongly, she wasn't considered fast, just Missionary Browns grandaughter. the day she was baptized, she discovered her fire inside. She walked slowly towards Pastor Rice, the water rising on each side of her, the bottom of her white rob becoming invisible, his tall stature, he smelled of olive oil, she looked up at him, he was smiling, arms open wide, the sun his background lighting, she felt the pebbles under her feet. He took Charlie in his bear like arms, and breathed "praise the lord little sister" to the top of her head, she looked at her grandmother who stood on the beach smiling. Mother Rice stood behind her and held her at the small at her back, fire burning...her eyes were on Corey Johnson, Deacon Johnsons oldest son, out of seven, 17 years old, hazel eyed, wavy haired boy,dark brown skin, standing on the beach, his eyes met hers, and she stared through him, saw the flames , as they dunked her under. Gasping for air, coming up, Mother rice, Deaconess Smith, patted her dry with huge white towels,whispering in tongues, Charlie Mae breathed lightly, they caught the water running from her hair,calling her a good girl, her eyes stayed fixed on Corey, her skin smoking from the cold air.......corey stared at the way her hair clung to the back of her neck....the way the water caused her thin white robe to slide off of her shoulder just enough to show a small portion of skin, corey was lost in her gaze, those cat eyes , he began to sweat......that night, charlie mae lay in bed tossing and turning, until, she climbed out of bed, pulled on her now dry white rob, walked barefoot to koreys house, stood outside in his yard....pacing.... corey sat in the dark, heard her footsteps and opened the front door...from the sky that night, if you looked down....fire was consumated by two in white....the beginning of the gift and curse that has followed her for years....

burn to learn....

2008-08-12T10:49:00.000-07:00

After days of pacing the floor, screaming into telephones, drunken cab rides, cussing everyone in her path,Charlie Mae sighs and exhales, sitting at her kitchen table, housecoat on, head down, still drinking whiskey. James is beating on her door ....."c'mon baby, let me in". She stands on the opposite of the door, lights a cigarette, puffing quick, quiet exhales, unconsciously patting her hair, "i can hear you charlie....CHARLIEEEEEEE ....CHARLIEEEEE", she giggles to herself, this fool is screaming at the top of his lungs..... "i hear you laughing Charlie...baby let me in....he beats harder.....the door opens.
James walks in, the record player is spinning at the end of a album, empty whiskey bottles by the couch, empty whiskey bottles by the sink, he knows that she has drank herself crazy, she turns to look at him. but god look at that face, still soft, light brown clear eyes, no trace of hard living, but those eyes, set him on fire unforgivingly, he follows a invisible smoke trail back to her apartment, after each time he disappears. No matter what softness, pink lipped, perfumed,perfect woman, he has decided to entertain himself with for a few days, Charlie Mae is his hex.
She looks at him, tears running, she begins to laugh....eyes closed, she holds her heart...its as if at this moment....she realizes his treachery, and she feels it, she feels the ache that she has had for several days, she feels the longing, she remembers the tears under her chin, her foolish heart....vision blurred by rage....
she grits her teeth, picks up one of the empty bottles so quickly, james blinks, and there is a bottle flying at his head....GET OUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT.......

Charlie Mae .......a sweataholic....for james....

2008-07-18T21:40:00.000-07:00

sweat
sweet
sweat
sweet
sweating sweetly

sweat is apparent
on temples
on lower backs
blending
sweet
sweat
sweat him
no
sweet on him
called too many times
answered too many times
silence
is the soundtrack
touch is the trouble
wraps your mind up
smiling to yourself....
is he enough
are you too much
searching for just enough......
a whisper behind your ear

waiting...

2008-07-11T21:32:00.000-07:00

Charlie Mae waits, it has been two hours. she continues to cross her legs, every time she thinks about her james, armpits over his back, legs wrapped around his waist, eyes closed, when she snaps back into reality, she sighs, and anger ensues. She looks at the payphone in the corner, a war begins in her mind, call him, dont call him, you need that, naw you need to call him and cuss him, she taps on the bar, the bartender steadily cheesing in her face, he fills her drink, and she suddenly begins to drink faster. "i am losing my cool", soft smile, eyes full of sadness, these are the second words she has spoke to him, other than "jack straight up". Mr. Bartender notices the gap in between her front teeth, "damn you beautiful girl", charlie mae stares, until he walks away. she gets out of her seat, and walks to the jukebox, howling wolf "moaning for my baby", she sits back down, and stares in the mirror behind the bar, the tears start, and she doesnt wipe them away, her heart is a beast, that overtakes her, it begins a storm, she puts her head down, laying on her arms, deep sighs...."you okay sugar", she moans "nooooooooooo, and buries her head in her own arms. pull it together honey, wish good thoughts, she sits up, neck straight, (mantra) i will not be affected, lights a cigarette, pays the bartender, walks out, and switches down the street, switching to the horn blowing, and catcalls from the streets......

the bar....

2008-07-09T21:04:00.000-07:00

Charlie mae waits, she smokes cigarette after cigarette slowy, pulling a mirror out each time to reapply her lipstick. looking in her mirror, she looks over the bar behind her a man holds his glass to his temple, crying, and singing along to a imaginary song, down the bar a couple argue, whispering loudly, she recognizes the wildness in the woman's eyes as she sips her drink , he is clearly under her spell. charlie mae sees it. see, she was born with a veil over her face, that gave her seeing powers. the woman slams her drink on the table, mutters something evil, causing the man to get up and storm out. the woman continues to sit, not loosing her stare, her eyes follow his back out the door, she finishes her drink, and leans back in her seat. muttering muthafucking gemini's...minutes later...the guy walks back in, sits back down. he looks over at charlie mae, she sucks her teeth. the woman gently grabs his hand, and mouths i love you....alcohol love yall....he looks around to make sure no one sees his softness, he melts into her hands, rubbing them all over his face, they get up and leave. Charlie mae smiles, where is her james? he has kept her waiting for over two hours..........

hot mouth...

2008-07-04T10:39:00.000-07:00

hot mouth
painted maroon
red finger nail polish
perfectly coiffed black hair
smiling over a glass full of brown magic
black lined eyes
small sweat beads at her temple
gap between her two front teeth
switchblade glowing in her pocket book
teal green dress
yellow roses pinned to the left side of her hair
legs crossed
black high heeled shoes
looking at the clock
the bartender preparing drinks
keeps glancing at Charlie Mae...
he figures she might purrr instead of speaking words....

excerpt from Cheshire...

2008-07-02T10:21:00.000-07:00

humming to myself
certain songs are on repeat
in my head
smirking
walking through streets
watching myself from above:
i would poke myself
to stop the frowning
guide my chin up to the sun
let it cure you
push air into you
to breathe
when you need to speak
those words
that mean so much to you
hold your arms down
no fisticuffs anymore
send wind to blow out that match

memory...

2008-07-02T10:14:00.001-07:00

it isn't a mystery
that i travel
(The power of retaining and recalling past experience)
i find myself staring at a little girl at a picnic, penny colored, tight cornrows, there is music blasting, plastic cups,
her mother pulls her out her seat, urging her to dance, pulling her small elbow, she resist, more people join in, "c'mon girl, show us what you got,
she runs away to a corner, the dancing continues, loud laughter
moments later, when she realizes no one is looking, but i am...
she begins her own two step, smiling to herself, in her own world.
i realize thats how i function.
spotlight too much for me at times
that's why i write...
i smile so hard, that i have to stop myself, before she gets nervous,lol,
find your own pace,
the joy you experience, there is no words for it
and someone will be watching your grace.....

rapture...

2008-07-01T19:38:00.000-07:00

I open my eys, and i see the back of my fathers head, the dan ryan expressway is stretching ahead of us, in a 79 buick. i arch my neck, and notice how my father only drives with one hand, he is the coolest. I can feel the warmth of my brothers arms on each side of me, as usual i am in the middle. My mother is smoking a cigarette, blowing smoke out of the cracked window. the spring air flows into the car, twilight sun. Anita baker is playing on the radio, "SWEEEETTTT LOOOVVVVEEEE", I feel the heaviness in my eyelids, but i want to sing....sweeettt loooveeeeee, my mom laughs from the front seat , flicking the ash, my brother on the right covers his ears. my father turns up the volume, with his free hand, and begins to hum with me. "HEAR ME CAALLLING OUT YOUR NAME....i close my eyes and sway to the beat, the way i have seen my mother do. "Sing baby", my mom turning around looking at me, i open my eyes and see her smiling, i sing louder. "So swweet, Soo sweeeeeeet, no sweeter love, no sweeter, ah nooo no no", my voice rings throughout the car, my brother on the left is still asleep,not bothered at all. the song ends, my parents clap, brother on the right sighs. i hang over the seat, and put my small hands in my mothers hair, big black curls. "its like a lions mane mom", "growl", i keep my hands in her hair, feeling her warm scalp, smelling like pink oil moistuirzer,saying a silent prayer that i am as beautiful when i grow up. Sitting back, i rest my head on my sleeping brothers tiny shoulder, and drift off to sleep. We arrive home, i am being carried to the house, one eye open, my brothers see this production , one of them reassures my dad, "she aint sleep". my father adjusting my weight in his arms, i say "yes i am daddy", pouty mouth...lol....i found a safety in my fathers arms, that has stayed with me for this life that i dont ever want to let go of...

excerpt from Cheshire...

2008-07-01T19:32:00.000-07:00

retribution
for these blue nights
silent mornings
this hole fluciates
flowing dark water
dried up bark

egyptian eyed girl...

2008-07-01T19:30:00.000-07:00

egyptian eyed girl, with freckles, soft black hair, pale glossed lips, smoking, always smiling,six feet tall, cancer woman, first born, first daughter child, started working by nine, always big sister, big sister fluent in french, honor soceity, Learning was natural, love was the debaucle.

shamans....

2008-07-01T19:23:00.000-07:00

i light a pink candle today
for love
it comes in all forms
shamans steal
but
they remember the theft forever
it replays in the unconscious,
seeing beauty
your smile appears when eyes closed
they search over and over again
only its yours that pierced his heart
and he pierced yours
you dissappeared
warrior women,
take the blows
return to our caves
make a new brew
stirring purple crystals, feathers, earth, pink rocks, hearts, fire, honey
blowing our own breathe to cool it...
ICE COLD...
heads bowed
for a moment
tears release themselves into pots
bubbling over
soundtrack is grace
neck straight
jigsaw mama
"save me from myself
save me from myself
playing in the background

saturn year...

2008-07-01T19:21:00.001-07:00

some telling
a story of me
laughs over glasses full of spirits
warnings
while
i sit in my own hell
crying on my birthday
sitting on concrete steps
sending a s.o.s into technology
to the air
needed
someone
countless pints
empty cigarette packs
a slumber of liquid epiphany's
i let it in
that something
sent me to a spiral staircase
leading to madness
a little girl
lopsided ponytails
bernstein bears book
thin as paper
a girl
eyes welled up
glass tears stuck to her face
holding tight to a journal
a woman
weapons:
a cigarette and a bottle of alcohol
mouth glossy
holding the little girls hands
a woman
wild hair
holding her heart in her hands
"please love"
a woman
holding her womb
three stripes across it
a passport
a woman
violent
breathing heavy,
own hair held tightly in her fists
that last step
i look up
at the cracked sky
feel the wings tearing through my skin
fire
eyes covered in soot
feathers simmering